With no shortage of shady rumors and grey area to spare, it’s hard to know what to believe about the secrecy-shrouded (or, more likely, gagged and bound) adaptation of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey. So we’ve devised a little pop quiz to test your skills at parsing the facts from falsehoods circulating in overdrive, like so many media bon bons in that old episode of “I Love Lucy.”
Pretend, for a moment, you’ve lost your smart phone and your internet connection has stalled and answer true or false to the following questions based simply on your instincts about what would make sense in a rational, reasonable world.
1. E.L. James has embarked on her next project, Fifty Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess (A Journal), which chronicles her writing process and offers advice and inspiration to other ambitious fan fiction scribes, daring them to wade into the murky bog of their darkest fantasies and transform them into racy bestsellers. The book comes complete with writing prompts and space for aspiring authors to unleash their inner goddess.
2. The mysterious hack-tivist organization, Anonymous, has taken a break from lobbing incendiary information molotov cocktails at oppressive political regimes to reveal “legal paperwork” indicating that Emma Watson has landed the role of Anastasia Steele in the movie adaptation of E.L. James’ trilogy.
3. Watson, full of righteous indignation, shoots down the rumor with the following scorn-filled tweet indicating that an actress of her caliber and good taste wouldn’t sully herself with such subject matter: “Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Grey as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life.”
4. Taking her cues from Jonathan Franzen’s post-Oprah debacle amends making, Watson issues a halfhearted apology to E.L. James and any fans of the blockuster books she might have offended.
5. Watson cedes an Oscar-baiting leading role to Emily Blunt in the upcoming adaptation of Emma Forrest’s critically acclaimed memoir, Your Voice in My Head, about her self-destructive penchant for cutting and dating famous men.
6. In an effort to capture the hearts and box office bucks among several avid fan fiction fiefdoms, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe claim the roles of Ana and Christian, stoking the frustrated fantasies of grown-up Harry Potter buffs while inspiring E.L. James diehards to re-dub the movie "Fifty Shades of Beige."
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Answers: 1. True, 2. True, 3. True, 4. True, 5. False, 6. False